‘Twas Three Months Before Christmas

Maybe talking about Halloween is pointless, since it seems like some people just want to skip October and November entirely. I recently came across this picture of Home Depot on Tumblr:

It also reflects the situation at the Home Depot near here, although I didn’t take any pictures of it. I have to wonder if it’s the same way at the mall. Why do we need to haul out the holly so early? It seems like merchants think putting out Christmas decorations so far ahead of time will also mean Christmas profits far ahead of time. I don’t know that this works, especially in a recession, but the practice persists. Hey, I LIKE Christmas, but I don’t want to think about it at this time of year. Santa dear, we’re in no hurry.

It isn’t only the stores that are getting an early start on the winter holidays, however, but also the War on Christmas crowd. You might have seen mention of this direct-to-video release, Christmas with a Capital C (apparently as opposed to christmas with a lower-case c, which isn’t as much fun):

But wait a minute! It looks like the villain of this piece (well, it’s a piece of SOMETHING, anyway) hates Christmas because of a personal vendetta. Do the makers of this movie think that’s secretly the case with ALL secularists? Or are they undermining their own point by making this guy act for personal reasons, rather than because he’s a member of the Baby-Eating Atheist Anti-Christmas Cabal? And am I the only one who thinks that main character (played by one of the less famous Baldwin Brothers) comes off as a total jerkoff? “Season’s Greetings” doesn’t work for you, Whiny McJock? See, that’s what I don’t get about these people. It’s like, if someone doesn’t mention Christmas to them every five minutes, they’ll forget what holiday they’re celebrating. How hard is it to understand that you can Christmas your brains out until you drown in eggnog, but you can’t force other people to celebrate your holiday? No, apparently if anyone dares to think differently from them, it shatters their entire world view. This really seems to be the Fox News gang in a stocking-stuffing nutshell. The right-wing talking heads constantly assure their followers that they’re in the majority, but they also insist this majority should be terrified of the largely powerless minority. Dudes, if there’s a war on Christmas, how come Home Depot even now contains more trees and Santas than you can shake a holly stick at? Oh, but the war is being carried out in the public arena, because occasionally someone protests a Christmas tree in the town square! Wait, aren’t you the ones who are always bitching about taxes? So it’s a problem if your tax money goes to health care or getting junk cars off the roads, but not if it’s used for a giant nativity scene? Sure, the Christmas decorations cost a lot less, but aren’t they still a use of taxpayer money that would be better channeled into more gifts for already-rich corporations? Maybe if you’d stop being such whiners, you’d get something other than coal in your stocking this year.

This entry was posted in Christianity, Christmas, Fox News, Holidays, Religion, Television and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to ‘Twas Three Months Before Christmas

  1. vilajunkie says:

    Don’t worry, Nathan. Sometime this century, Jesus will make his Second Coming, thus rendering Christmas (and all videotapes) obsolete. And then in 990 years, we’ll have Xmas and Robot Santa! Speaking of Xmas, what’s the right-wing stance on using that instead of Christmas? They really shouldn’t have a problem with it, since the X is the Greek abbreviation for “Christ”. And non-Christians will no longer have to say “Christ” in the name. So it’s a win-win for everyone! Oh, and aren’t most of the “anti-Christmas haters” fellow Christians who are really just tired of being reminded of Christmas non-stop from October to February? I don’t think anyone is suggesting we ban Christmas all together; just that we take a break from pushing Christmas so much for the whole year instead of in the actual Christmas season, the beginning of December to January 6th. Btw, the people in the past who DID ban Christmas were…wait for it…ancestors of the modern Evangelicals! How ironic.

    • Nathan says:

      I’ve heard of people getting mad about the “Xmas” abbreviation because it takes Christ out, but these people obviously don’t know what the X actually means.

      I think that, to piss off the “keep Christ in Christmas” team, I’m going to start calling it just “Mas.”

  2. Will says:

    Just read both your posts on Halloween & Christmas. I have a relative who went all born again & it was Jesus, Jesus, Jesus 24 hours. It’s like the constant need to reinforce their beliefs & also they hate competition from other beliefs. My relative has calmed down significantly but I’m still going hell anyway.

    • vilajunkie says:

      Maybe for her and other born-again Christians, talking about Jesus all the time works in the same way as repeating Bloody Mary’s or the Candy Man’s name. Say Jesus’ name enough, and he’ll have to come back. Of course, if saying his name works just like it does for other bogeymen, he’ll come back as a ravenous zombie and cut your face off through the mirror.

      • Nathan says:

        Well, Jesus already IS a zombie, right?

      • vilajunkie says:

        Well, yeah, but I’d imagine he would be pretty pissed off if you called him out of Heaven just to smite the people you don’t like. Maybe that’s why God (the Father) disappeared after Jesus died–since everyone expected Him to perform miracles for them at the drop of a hat, He got tired of it and went back to lounging in His Hot Tub of the Divine Presence.

    • Nathan says:

      I always have to wonder if that kind of behavior springs from insecurity. I mean, if you were REALLY strong in your faith in Jesus, you wouldn’t need to talk about him every five seconds, would you?

  3. Will says:

    “Say Jesus’ name enough, and he’ll have to come back. Of course, if saying his name works just like it does for other bogeymen, he’ll come back as a ravenous zombie and cut your face off through the mirror”

    Cool !!!!!!!!!!

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