Celebrity Relationshipwreck

I’m not someone who usually pays a lot of attention to celebrity gossip (yeah, I know that’s what they all say), but I couldn’t help noticing mentions on the crappy magazines in the checkout aisles that, basically, ever celebrity ever has just been revealed to have broken up with his or her significant other.

Courteney Cox and David Arquette are separated now, apparently because he cheated on her, but I can’t help but wonder if it also had something to do with his not having worked since they stopped advertising collect call services on television.

Also recently split are Christina Aguilera and her husband, music producer Jordan Bratman.

I guess he doesn’t count as a celebrity, although he is an entertainment industry insider. Her Wikipedia entry says that they officially separated on September 11th of this year, and that she broke up with a previous boyfriend exactly nine years prior to that date. Funny, I would have thought that latter was the one day that nobody broke up, especially not in this country. So who’s she going to have naked Sundays with now? Somehow I doubt she’ll have trouble finding volunteers.

Although I haven’t heard of there being a breakup involved, Ashton Kutcher is reported to have cheated on Demi Moore, but I suspect she might have been punk’d.

The cover of Star is even saying that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s sham marriage has become even shammier, but that’s been the subject of every other Star cover for the past several years, so I’m not so sure about that one. By the way, where did the idea come from that Cruise is gay? I haven’t heard of him sticking his tongue down other men’s throats like his fellow Scientologist John Travolta. I have to wonder if it’s based on the notion that anyone who doesn’t want to have sex with women MUST want to have sex with men, when this isn’t really true.

I’ve given some thought to the phenomenon of fly-by-night celebrity marriages, and I kind of have to wonder if they’re just singled out for this because they’re already famous. There are a lot of marriages that don’t last very long, but you’ve usually never heard of the people involved. Still, I suspect that one reason celebrity marriages don’t last is that they’re not practically planned out. If you think about it, why do so many celebrities date other celebrities? They must know other people, right? I don’t have any statistics on this, but it sometimes seems like marriages between celebrities and non-celebrities are more likely to last. I have to suspect that part of it is that everyone fantasizes about dating a celebrity, and when you get famous yourself, you have a chance to actually DO this. Unfortunately, reality rarely works out like fantasies do, and you’re eventually forced to realize that being married to the person you loved on the big screen or the stereo isn’t the Happily Ever After ending you assumed it would be back then. Also, since entertainers are basically the nobility of our modern nation, perhaps it’s a case of nobles marrying other nobles, as is typical in countries that still have titles. Sure, sometimes these marriages work out well and actual love develops, but that’s never the primary goal.

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5 Responses to Celebrity Relationshipwreck

  1. vilajunkie says:

    Well, celebrities dating or marrying non-celebrities seems to work out just fine for the non-celebrities, and not just because they get to go to movie premieres. Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends from “The Girls Next Door” all have their own shows now, on TV, in Vegas, etc. And they started off as your everyday, generic “Backwoods Barbies” (thanks, Dolly!) who have become your everyday, generic Hollywood Barbies. With the marriage of Christina Hendricks and her husband (whoever he is) and the engagement of Russell Brand to Katy Perry, there’s hope for all of us nerds to one day marry hot celebrities. Well, Russell Brand is one of those celebrities-who’s-famous-everywhere-else-but-the-US-and-finally-getting-US-recognition. Kinda like Shakira, who’s bigger than Madonna in South America but a one-hit-wonder (kinda) in the US.

    • Nathan says:

      Marrying a celebrity can definitely put a non-celebrity in the spotlight, but there are also quite a few people with celebrity spouses who prefer to keep out of the game. I guess the way I think of it is that being a celebrity is a job, not a lifestyle. I’m not sure the American public would agree with me, though.

      Christina Hendricks’ husband, Geoffrey Arend, actually is an actor, but not a famous one. So I suppose he and Russell Brand could both be considered industry insiders, even if they aren’t well-known in this country.

  2. I think for the most part the reason for fly-by-night celebrity marriages is that, for the people involved, their career is more important than their relationship. Happens with noncelebrities too, but it happens in a bigger way for people who have a lot riding on their fame/power/whatever. And for the really “HOT” ones, there’s a lot less incentive not to try for “something BETTER” if the relationship you’re in hits a rough spot.

    Still, celebrities do get to have stable marriages every once in awhile, you just don’t hear about those because they’re boring. Or maybe they happened AFTER said celebrities already had unsuccessful marriages, so everyone ignores that, like, George and Olivia Harrison had a lovely stable 30-some year marriage up to his death, because that’s a lot less interesting than George’s first wife leaving him for his best friend Eric Clapton, who also wrote love songs to her. Also, what about celebrity marriages that die years later, after seeming really stable for decades. I was actually really sad recently to hear that Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson were breaking up, since they’re both together largely responsible for one of my favorite movies (mostly HE was responsible, but she was in charge of the music, which was a pretty indispensible part of it), and because said movie was semiautobiographical, it always tickled me to think that in that blurry-line-between-fiction-and-reality William had grown up to marry a rock star, because seriously, HOW RIGHT is that… but that’s just fan expectations getting in the way, anyway!

    • vilajunkie says:

      I agree with that first part a lot. I have to wonder, though, if it’s not that the career is more important for certain celebrities, but that they never meet anyone they can trust to keep personal info to themselves. It’s hard enough to build up trust in a “normal” relationship, but imagine being some famous rock star that always runs into fans who want to be your girlfriend and are unable to respect that just because you’re a celebrity, doesn’t mean that you don’t have personal secrets too.

    • Nathan says:

      Well, the news media, and especially the gossip rags, definitely prefer to focus on bad news. You’re probably not going to get a tabloid headline like, “[Insert famous couple here] celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary! SCANDAL!”

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