Mooning Bill O’Reilly


You probably know by now about Bill O’Reilly’s insistence that there must be a god because we don’t know how tides work. When someone told him it was the moon, his reaction was, “Well, where did the moon come from, pinhead?”

I’m not sure whether the lead Cenobite from Hellraiser knows where the moon came from, but scientists have come up with some theories, the most popular at the current time probably being that it was created by a planetary collision.

But even if this turns out to be wrong and astronomers find out that it really IS some god who made it, how do we know which one it was? There were a lot of moon gods, after all.

I’d have to suspect one of them over Yahweh, whose creation of the moon seems to have just been thrown into Genesis 1. It’s pretty obvious, however, that O’Reilly isn’t interested in hearing other opinions. I mean, his wording was something like, “Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication.” So, to his mind, communication is somehow involved. Why would that be, unless he’s already decided there’s some kind of thinking being involved? Does gravity not work until someone communicates that it’s supposed to? I guess that would explain Wile E. Coyote.

For O’Reilly, it’s not only that there’s a god involved, but specifically the same god who says you should kill homosexuals with stones. And that it’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into Heaven, but we can apparently disregard that part for some reason. It IS Fox News, after all. Actually, I’m kind of surprised they have so many Catholic hosts, since fundamentalists usually aren’t too fond of them either.

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This entry was posted in Astronomy, Catholicism, Christianity, Fox News, Fundamentalism, Mythology, Religion, Science, Television and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Mooning Bill O’Reilly

  1. vilajunkie says:

    I guess if communication is involved, the moon phones it in to Yahweh’s automated voice mail system. “Press 1 for English. Para Espanol, oprima numero dos. For Moonspeak, press the 3rd Quarter Phase./You pressed 3rd Quarter Phase. For ebbing, press1. For flowing, press 2. For El Nino, press 3. For crashing into the earth, press 4. For all other natural disasters, press 5. If you need help with your selection, please stay on the line./Your call will be answered by the next Supreme Being by the beginning of the Apocalypse.”

  2. N says:

    Does gravity not work until someone communicates that it’s supposed to?

    Intelligent falling!

    I guess that would explain Wile E. Coyote.

    Yeah, it doesn’t work til you remember it’s there. Then you’re screwed.

    Also, that moon goddess kinda looks like the girl from the first Hellraiser movie, so the juxtaposition of her and Pinhead made me laugh.

  3. Pingback: It’s Slavery, But Not, Like, SLAVERY Slavery, You Know? | VoVatia

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