Want to Worship at the Church of Satan

No, I don’t want to worship at the Church of Satan, but apparently a fair number of people do. It’s not a particularly big organization, but it is recognized by governments and such. Satanism is actually a fairly diverse group of religions, some of whom actually worship Satan, while others just think of him as symbolic. The Church of Satan, founded by Anton LaVey (whose real name was Howard), is one of the latter.

“Hey! Bald guy with a snake here! Aren’t I scary?”
Its members are actually atheists or agnostics. And hey, today is the forty-fifth anniversary of the Church! Well, except it really isn’t. LaVey declared that the official founding date was 30 April 1966, which was Walpurgisnacht, but it really didn’t exist as an institution until later that year. It’s also said that LaVey died on 29 October 1997, but someone had the death certificate changed to say he died on Halloween instead. I’m sure LaVey was hardly the first religious leader to change facts around to make them sound more interesting, though. From what I’ve seen, pretty much all great religious leaders are carnival barkers at heart. One point in Anton’s favor is that he pretty much came out and admitted he was a flim-flam artist. He even claimed to have been a sideshow barker at one point, although this is most likely not true. Yes, he apparently even lied about being a professional liar! All the black mass stuff was also basically to put on a show for people. LaVeyan Satanists don’t typically practice rituals that involve using naked girls as altars, but they know the value of a show.

Eh, he kind of comes off as a poor man’s Vincent Price.

So what DO LaVey’s followers actually believe? Well, individualism is a major component of their philosophy. So is revenge. LaVey’s rules say not to harm children or animals, except for food or defense in the latter case (apparently eating children is not acceptable), and not to bother anyone unless they bother you first. If they do, however, you can basically do whatever you want to them. Basically, this form of Satanism says that most religions teach conformity and self-denial. I’d say this is debatable, but that’s certainly the face that mainstream religion presents to the world. Mind you, I think it’s also possible to go too far in the other direction. It’s well-documented that LaVey was heavily influenced by Ayn Rand, who seems to be a prime example of going too far in the other direction. I’ve never read anything by Rand, even though I was supposed to in high school. Does the fact that I took the selfish route mean that I truly grasped Rand’s philosophy more than the people who actually did the work? :P Seriously, though, she was raised in the Soviet Union and became so disenchanted with state-enforced communism that she rejected the very ideas of sharing and altruism. Way to throw the baby out with the bathwater, Ayn! There are a fair number of people who practically worship Rand, though, which is bizarre considering that Objectivism is supposed to be about individualism. Funny how that works out.

Mind you, Rand also accepted government assistance while decrying it, so I think the real center of her philosophy was hypocrisy. I’d say it’s pretty obvious that the human race has grown and thrived because we can work together. Anyway, LaVey taught that you should only love people who deserve it. I suppose I can agree with that, but I think Howard went a little far in insisting some people were “psychic vampires” with whom strong, intelligent people shouldn’t bother. Then again, I also think it’s pretty much impossible to take old Anton seriously in any respect. Some self-declared Satanists are genuinely scary people, but I don’t think the LaVeyan variety is anything to worry about. This page, from which I got the picture of LaVey at the organ, quotes photographer Jay Blakesberg as saying, “The Church of Satan was created to shock but also to get guys laid… what better way to get naked women.” Sounds about right.

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28 Responses to Want to Worship at the Church of Satan

  1. Marie says:

    Almost literally right above your link in my Stalker’s Helper on FB is this — http://www.strike-the-root.com/was-ayn-rand-proto-fascist

    I went to a really small ARP college (yes, actually I did know that before I applied) and because of the guy I started dating just weeks before school started, I was openly out as an atheist for the first time in my life. We were also the very first openly ‘out-and-proud’ atheists most of our classmates had ever encountered. Daily, anywhere from one to a dozen or more came up and asked why we chose to worship satan. Oh the expressions when they learned we did not believe in that construct of mythology, either. As it turns out, when many of them lose that “trump card” to try to scare people to Jesus, it’s greatly flummoxing, and more shocking than being confronted by people who do not believe in any sort of gods.

    • Nathan says:

      I have to wonder if that tactic EVER works. Are there really people who believe in Satan and not God? Seems to me that the former kind of presupposes the latter.

  2. Yeah, I do know someone who was murdered by a self-professed Satanist, but she had other serious issues as well, so the fact that she used Satanism as her motive is, um, probably just one factor.

    I do find it strangely spiritually satisfying to read about Satanists of any sort, outright or tongue-in-cheek, to realize that “Yeah, I totally don’t agree with you at all!” It gives me a bit more confidence that I’m on the right side!

    • Nathan says:

      It’s always good to actually do the research so you can KNOW that some other belief system doesn’t make more sense to you. The people who demonify other religions seem not to realize this, or perhaps just aren’t all that strong in their own faith.

  3. vilajunkie says:

    The “evil” Satanists are pretty much all:

    A) ones who don’t get LaVey’s philosophy at all and take his books literally rather than seeing the big joke and facade behind them (hmm, sounds familiar…);

    B) people with true sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies (those really are different cognitive disorders) who would have decided to kill their victims because of ANYTHING they come in contact with. Such as watching Lamb Chop the puppet and believing that she’s the “Lamb of God” incarnated and telling them to murder “all the field mice in the forest [by] bopping them on the head”.

    Honestly, even stuff like the Hellfire Clubs and Black Masses of earlier decades were all about getting to sleep with as many women (or men, or children, or animals) as the follower wanted. Some of the “scandalous” behaviors of so-called Satanists were supposed to be performing the Latin Mass backwards, stealing the Eucharist at Communion by hiding it under their tongues or in their sleeves and eating it later at the Black Mass, or using a red-colored Eucharist instead of a white one. Or dancing in their shifts after midnight and eating a banquet of junk food without salt–oh no!

    • Nathan says:

      I remember hearing that Benjamin Franklin attended a black mass. Of course, he was a notorious womanizer, so why he was there was probably pretty obvious.

  4. patricia says:

    It is doe not matter whatever Satan and demons are real or not real. But my brian have the feedback loop to respond to anything that I believe, for example if I say demons are real beings, then when I die I will see them. But If I say I don’t believe in demon and they are not real, so when I die I will not see them. For me, Demons and Evil Spirits represented the STRONGHOLD OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, such as demons of guilt and shame,and so on. I can learn how to resist these demons in my life, and I must be careful to stay away from the occult in spite of they try to get in our lives.

  5. patricia says:

    In this case, many people with near death experiances had claimed that their brian often responds to their religious beliefs or anything that they want to see. But if you don’t agree with that , I accept that, but may be I’am wrong, but I don’t know. In my past I used to work with horses and I did lots of horseriding for about 20 years, after that I almost give up on my life with horses and sadly I missed my horse. Now when I had abandoned my life with horses, Almost every time I goes to sleep in bed, I had dreams and in my dreams I saw horses!! and I rode on them!! Of course my brian responds to my past experiances!

  6. patricia says:

    I suggest you have a look to my response, that I wrote abou’t near death experiance case in “The one-way street to salvation by VoVatia”.

  7. Joe john says:

    I want to join the church, connet me if you how, lovesaint2020@yahoo.com

  8. Chinedum says:

    I want 2 join d church of setan i want become a member.

  9. Goodluck ndubuisi says:

    I want to join and serve lord luciffer

  10. Patricia says:

    I sighed, we don’t need to know who joins the Church of Satan, this post is about studying various Religions anyway…………………………………….

  11. smith says:

    Be a member of Illuminati today and become rich and famous, this is just brief summary to apply now and join thousands of satisfied citizens contact us at illuminatipowerworldwide@gmail.com or call +2348165028579

  12. i am giving a testimony of how i become rich and famous today… i was deeply strangled up by poverty and i had no body to help me, and also i search for help from different corners but to no avail… i see people around me getting rich but to me i was so ashamed of my self so i met a man on my way he was very rich and he was a doctor so he told me something and i think over it though out the day so the next day i looked up and i keep repeating what he said to me.

    ” if you want to get rich quick and be famous”
    you need to cross your heart and do what
    is in your mind

    so i tried all i could in other for me to do as he said so later on i told my fellow friend about this same thing then my friend was interested in my suggestions so i decided to look in the internet and i found an email address of this great fraternity( church-of-satan@live.com) so we decided to contact them and unfortunately we did as they instruct us to do and later they told us to get some requirements and all the rest… so this initiation took us just a week and later on the great fraternity gave us $7,000,000.00 to start up our lives…. and now am testifying that if in any case you want to join any great fraternity all you need to do is for you to contact them because they are legitimate and they do as what they instructed them to do okay so email them now at ( church-of-satan@live.com) or you can call them now +447024027489 they will respond to you okay… regards!!

  13. Eric Hoffsten says:

    So somehow I came to this post after Googling “Anton Lavey Olive Garden,” as I was searching for a little back-up to my assertion to a friend that Lavey had admitted that the OG was his favorite restaurant. After enjoying your witty and thoughtful musings on Lavey’s hucksterism, imagine my surprise at finding barely-legible rantings rife with creative punctuation from half-witted troglodytes and solicitations to join the “Illuminati” to become “rich and famous.” And yet… NO MENTION of Olive Garden. Sigh. Life just isn’t fair, is it?

    • Nathan says:

      I’m a fan of the Olive Garden, but I don’t know whether or not Lavey was. Maybe there’s something Satanic about that place and their addictive breadsticks. Maybe it came up on Google because I wrote about the restaurant on Twitter.

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