Polytheistic Politics


Notice how pretty much every presidential candidate says they were called by God to run? When I mentioned this, Amy correctly pointed out that he didn’t necessarily want all of them to WIN, but they all seem to think he does. Really, though, I see no reason why they couldn’t all have been called by different gods. Donald Trump seems to mostly be there to disrupt the process, hence he was called by Eris, goddess of discord. Someone suggested Ted Cruz was Cthulhu, and while I know it’s not fair to judge based on appearances, the guy does look like he’s wearing a rubber mask. Who knows what horrific creature lurks behind that?

Marco Rubio is Cuban, so maybe Ogoun, the orisha of war. Ben Carson was probably called by Somnus/Hypnos.

For Jeb Bush, there are probably quite a few gods who are totally outshone by their brother and father. Hades comes to mind there. John Kasich is a little tricky. He seems the least warlike of the bunch, yet he also seems to want to pander to everybody at once. I could maybe see him as a representative of Hermes. It would be too obvious to link Chris Christie to a food-related deity, but I’m thinking he might actually be a troll. I mean, they’re known for not letting anyone cross bridges.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t turn to stone in the daytime. I don’t know that trolls were ever associated with a particular god, but maybe Loki was involved somehow.

Since Carly Fiorina’s main distinction was ruining a successful corporation, maybe she was called by a Binbogami, or Japanese poverty god. While this guy might not be a traditional god, we know Rand Paul is a devotee of Aqua Buddha.

Maybe he means Suiten, the Buddhist deva of water.

Rick Santorum’s obsession with marrying dogs might mark him as a follower of Anubis. While Democrats are less prone to claims of being divinely inspired, Hillary Clinton is probably an avatar of Hera, a powerful woman whose charismatic, larger-than-life husband cheats on her. As for Bernie Sanders, as an opponent of the establishment who says he wants to aid the common people, he makes me think of Prometheus. I’m not going to include all the candidates who dropped out some time ago (although Santorum was just too tempting as I never want anyone to forget the dog-marrying thing), but if you have any ideas, let me know. I’m guessing Jim Gilmore’s patron is a god nobody knows anything about.

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