O Say Can You CPAC?

My original plan was for my next post to be a fun one about the Mario Brothers, but I’m going to write about something scarier than fire-breathing turtle-creatures. CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference (not to be confused with the Koopa Political Action Conference), started yesterday, held in a place called Gaylord.

A lot of people have been making fun of the name of one particular panel at CPAC, presumably not a joke in the first place: “If Heaven Has a Gate, a Wall, and Extreme Vetting, Why Can’t America?” Is it even a part of Christian theology that Heaven has a wall? We know Asgard does, because the builder demanded the Sun and Moon and Freyja for a wife in exchange for building it, but Loki had sex with his horse to prevent him from finishing in time.

So does the New Jerusalem in Revelation, 144 cubits wide and made of jasper, with twelve gates made of pearl.

And I guess it also has extreme vetting, because cowards, unbelievers, murderers, magicians, and liars aren’t allowed in. There isn’t anything there about refugees, though. I also don’t know how that fits in with the idea of the deathbed recantation or predestination, however, both of which presumably mean there wouldn’t be any vetting at all. The notion of the pearly gates to Heaven guarded by St. Peter is based on Matthew 16, in which Jesus entrusts him with the keys to the kingdom, I guess so he can keep out five-year-old Iranians.

And since when is America Heaven? I doubt any of those issues will be addressed at the panel, which takes place on Saturday morning, although I wouldn’t rule out Loki engaging in indecent acts with a stallion.

Anyway, I took a look at the program, and it looks like most of the titles were made up simply to piss off liberals, sort of like the “fair and balanced” slogan for Fox News. Why else would they keep using the same tired and insulting buzzwords? Here are a few of the more notable examples:
Trigger Warnings & Safe Spaces: Campus Activism in a PC Age
Conservatism Is About Ideas, Not Identity
Fake Climate News Camouflaging and Anti-Capitalist Agenda–and What President Trump Plans to Do About It
Fake News and the Lame Stream Media
FREE Stuff vs FREE-dom: Millenials’ [sic] Love Affair with Bernie Sanders
Always on Target: 2nd Amendment Activism Made Simple
When Did World War III Begin?
Recovering from the Obama Flu: What is the Prescription for Healthcare?
Black Lives Matter, so why does the Left not support Law Enforcement?
How Did the Left Capture Education and How Do We Get It Back?
Repealing Obama’s Banking Monstrosity and Making Money Work Again: Making Money Great Again
Facts, Not Feelings: Snowflakes, Safe Spaces, and Trigger Warnings

There was also something called “The Alt-Right Ain’t Right at All,” and I know they canceled Milo Yiannopoulos and kicked out Richard Spencer, although they still let Steve Bannon speak. They’re still not sure what to do about these people who talk out loud about their racism instead of using coded language.

What I have to wonder is whether the people attending these events ACTUALLY think global warming is a hoax perpetrated to destroy capitalism, that liberals just want free stuff (especially when rich people generally don’t have any problem accepting things for free), and that Black Lives Matter is just an excuse for bashing cops. I suppose some do, but the people running it probably don’t. As for the stuff about trigger warnings and snowflakes, I’m sorry, but after you’ve thrown in your lot with the Whiniest Man in America, you no longer get to complain about other people not wanting their feelings hurt. Not that I thought it was valid even before that, but that makes it particularly hypocritical. And wasn’t identity the main reason all the white nationalists voted for Donald Trump? Apparently “identity politics” is another term Republicans have started throwing around recently, although I can’t say I know what it means. Poor people being able to get health care equates to a disease in the Republican mindset? Is there any way to interpret “2nd Amendment Activism” other than “go shoot somebody”? I expected stupidity and hypocrisy, but I think the concentration of so much in one place might cause a black hole. Actually, that would have to be a white hole, wouldn’t it?

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This entry was posted in Christianity, Climate, Conspiracy Theories, Current Events, Language, Mythology, Norse, Politics, Prejudice, Religion, Snobbery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to O Say Can You CPAC?

  1. Glenn I says:

    Holes with impenetrable walls around them.

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