Final Fakery

The TV Tropes page on Urban Legends of Zelda (good name, by the way) had a link to this post from the newsgroup, which brought back some memories. I read that group pretty regularly back when I started college, and while it eventually got too cliquey (a common affliction with newsgroups, from what I understand), it was pretty fun. Well, aside from the people asking the same stupid questions over and over again. At the time, it was how to revive General Leo, although once Final Fantasy VII came out it was how to revive Aerith.

This was part of what led to people making up intentionally fake tips, which were sometimes called FWAKs as a play on “FAQ.” I don’t think the term was supposed to stand for anything in particular, and when someone asked the guy who made it up, he said “Furry Widdle Animal Kilts.” Someone later came up with “False Wisdom and Knowledge” as a more appropriate backronym. As with many rumors, there was a certain element of truth. I mean, if you’d only played a little bit of the game and someone told you the Abominable Snowman could join your party, you could get a chainsaw by setting a clock, and there was a cut scene of everyone shopping for an outfit for Gau, you might not have believed it. Video games are full of secrets, some intentional and some not. I remember seeing that unauthorized guidebook that mentioned the Minus World in Super Mario Bros., and then went on to mention a chocolate factory in the same game. I have to wonder if the person who wrote that was thinking of the pie factory in Donkey Kong, which was included in the arcade but not the NES version. And when a game lets you play as Leo for a brief segment, and he has a kick-ass battle move but dies very quickly, it’s not that far-fetched to think he might return. He doesn’t, though, and neither does Aerith.

Even if you hack the game, they’ll be playable for a while, but will disappear at key moments. Anyway, while some FWAKs were fairly believable, others were way over the top.

The bogus FAQ makes reference to time travel to the early FF games, and it was pretty common back then to try to connect the games. Back then, most Americans had only played three, so it wasn’t as complicated as it would soon become. That doesn’t stop people from trying to do the same in Wild Mass Guesses, though. I was kind of disappointed that we never got a true sequel to any of the FF games. Well, we eventually did, but not for a long time. I also pointed out before that Final Fantasy Tactics lets you visit locations from all of the games that then existed in the main series. Gilgamesh from FF5 shows up in some other games and even mentions Bartz. There are hints that Kain Highwind in FF4 is the son of Ricard Highwind in FF2, even though the worlds don’t appear to be the same. And apparently the people of the world of FFX eventually travel through space to that of FF7. The official explanation seems to be that the worlds are mostly different, but there are links between them. I understand Dissidia has them all connected by the Void.

And considering that FF5 has a planet being separated into two and then merged together again, and part of the plot of FF9 involves an attempt to combine two worlds, there’s some excuse for certain places and characters shifting from one world to another. Drawing unlikely connections between games can be fun, so here are a few I came up with:

  • The Lunarians in FF4 are refugees from Lufenia in FF1, which explains how they can make airships.
  • When Zenus, the Creator of the Dragon Quest IX world, split himself into pieces, his most wrathful aspect became the Lunarian Zemus. The names are just too similar!
  • Speaking of which, after Psaro of Dragon Quest IV reformed, he decided to use his godlike powers for good, and became the savior of Ticondera. That’s why The 7th Saga has a powerful being named Saro.
  • A Wild Mass Guess suggests that Bahamut from the FF series is the same as the Zenith Dragon from DQ4 and 5. He’s also the father of the Dragonlord (the mother is, of course, the Dragon Queen in DQ3) and Ridley from Metroid.
  • Lavos is a highly evolved species of Metroid that lives on the energy of planets instead of individual life forms. Schala tracked down their source, but was killed by Ridley before she could prevent their creation. Before that, however, she took the name of Virginia, got married, and had a daughter named Samus who carried on her mission.
  • The wizard Noah from Phantasy Star series was the same one as in the Final Fantasy III back story. (Well, except the PS Noah was called Lutz in games other than the first. But maybe that was just to throw us off the track.)
  • Tom Nook and Neko from Secret of Mana used to be partners, but they had a falling out. Both studied around Torneko from DQ4.
  • Tortimer is Bowser’s father, living off the money he embezzled from the Koopa Kingdom treasury. Ha ha hoorf!
  • Wart used to fight alongside Rash, Zits, and Pimple, but got out of shape and decided to conquer the Land of Dreams instead.
This entry was posted in Animal Crossing, Chrono Trigger, Donkey Kong, Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, Humor, Mana/Seiken Densetsu, Mario, Metroid, Urban Legends, Video Games and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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